| Bekah's Funny Page!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22 Fun Things To Do At Walmart! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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<< 1. ride those little car things in the front of the store 2. run up to a male employee ,squeezing your legs together, and practically yelling at him "i need some tampons!!!!!!!" 3. watch everyones jaws drop as you try to purchase some condoms 4. pull a cape over your shoulders and run down the isles yelling "i'm batman, come robin, to the bat cave!" 5. put condoms in other peoples carts when they aren't looking 6. go up to a complete stranger and say "hi, I haven't seen you in a long time!!!!! remember me?"..and so on, just to see if they'll play along to avoid embarassment 7. when the casheir runs your items over the scanner look amused and go "WOW! magic!" 8. go up to a boy and act all ditzy and say " HI YA!hehe, what's ur sign?..hehe" 9. make a trail of lemonade leading to the restrooms 10. switch the signs on the bathroom doors 11. dart around suspiciously wistling the toon to mission impossible 12. take a gun from the hunting department and run up to an employee and act as spastic as possible yelling " I need some anti-Depresants!!!!!" 13. lye down in a lounge chair thats on display drinking a soda and reading a magazine untill the kick you out 14. sing the song 'sex and candy' really really loud while walking through the store 15. set the alarm clocks so they go off at 10min intervals through out the day 16. turn all the radios to the same country station as loud as you can, just to annoy everyone 17. switch the prices on different items 18. try on all the shoes in the shoe department , leaving them on the floor and putting none back 19. take a trycicle thats way to small for you and ride it around the store 20. walk really slow if someone is behind you 21. take a diaper, put it on your head, and walk down the isle causualy 22. take a bra and put it on the outside of your shirt and walk down the isle causualy | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Things To Think about | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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> Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went > nuts. > > I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. > I said, "The whole time." > > So what's the speed of dark? > > How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? > > Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? > > I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are > furious. > > Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? > > Isn't Disney World a people trap run by a mouse? > > Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? > > Light travels faster than sound. Is that why some people appear > intelligent > until you hear them speak? > > How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word? > > Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is > dead? > > Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? > > Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" when they already > know > you don't have any? > > If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is > expanding, what is it expanding into? > > If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other > trees make fun of it? > > Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? > > Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?" > > Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of > everything outdoors? > > Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open,it's not > adore? > > Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. > Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. > > If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, why did he always duck > when someone threw a gun at him? > > Why does lemon juice contain "artificial ingredients" but dish washing > liquid > contains "real lemons?" > > Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it? > > Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? > > Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? > > Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's?" > > What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? > > Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? > > Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate? > > I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help > section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. > > Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? >> | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Druken Priest | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could | hardly >>>> speak. >>>> >> >>>>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor >>>> >> >>>>replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, >>>I >>>> >put a >>>> >> >>>>glass of vodka next to the water glass. >>>> >> >>>> If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he >>>took >>>> >the >>>> >> >>>>monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got >>>nervous >>>> >and >>>> >> >>>>took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return >>>to >>>> >his >>>> >> >>>>office after mass, he found the following note on the door: >>>> >> >>>>1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. >>>> >> >>>>2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. >>>> >> >>>>3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. >>>> >> >>>>4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. >>>> >> >>>>5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. >>>> >> >>>>6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. >>>> >> >>>>7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as >Daddy,Junior and the Spook. >>>> >> >>>>8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the xxxx out of him. >>>> >> >>>>9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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